Your cat will kill for such a pill - as soon as you catch it
by Ann Landers column from years and years ago!
Dear Dog Lovers: Today's column will be of no interest to you.
Cat lovers, you will definitely enjoy it.

The column was written by Bob Story and appeared in the Laguna Beach, California Coastline News

How to Give Your Cat a Pill
1.  Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as though holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to his cheeks.
When cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth.
Cat will then close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Repeat the process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Remove second pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand
Force jaws open and push pill to back of throat with forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10, if you are able. Hold cat's mount closed as well.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call for assistance.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, immobilizing front and rear paws.
Ask assistant to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing a wooden ruler into cat's throat.
Flick pill down ruler with one finger and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from living room curtain valance.
8. Carefully sweep shattered figurine from hearth.
9. Remove third pill from foil wrap.
10. Get a towel, wrap it around cat and ask assistant to lie on the floor with cat's head visible under assistant's armpit.
Put pill in one end of paper tube you've made for this purpose. Then force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow.
11. Check label to make sure pill is not lethal to humans.
Sip water to take taste away.
Apply bandage to assistant's forearm and remove blood from carpet with soap and cold water.
12. Retrieve cat from neighbour's roof.
Remove fourth pill from foil. Place cat in cupboard and close door on cat's neck with head outside cupboard.
Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
13. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.
Throw bloodied ripped T-shirt away and fetch another from bedroom.
14. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
15. Call 911, ask fire department to retrieve cat from tree.
16. Remove remaining pill from foil wrap.
17. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and securely tie to leg of dining table. Put on heavy duty pruning gloves.
Force cat's mouth open with tire iron.
Drop pill, previously hidden in one ounce of raw hamburger into cat's mouth.
Hold head vertically with nose pointed to ceiling and pour one half pint of water down cat's throat and two jiggers of whiskey down your own.
18. Ask assistant to call emergency room.
Sit quietly while doctors administers anesthetic, stitches finger, forearm and removes pill remnants from eye.
19. Drop off cat, along with a generous donation at animal shelter and adopt a goldfish.